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Why expectations are killing you ?

Like everybody you would also have certain expectations in a relationship.

Do you expect a lot of things from your loved ones?

Did your expectation hurt every time and lead to misbehavior?

Do you want to know what’s that something that is directing you towards expectation?

Or have you planned something which happened according to your plan but did not go appropriately?

Like everybody you would also have certain expectations in a relationship.

Sometimes we fall in love with our expectations and if something went wrong we would depress immediately. That life is unfair to us

If you want to take control of what is happening with your daily life let me help you with this problem.

What if I say your expectation is just magical thinking resulting from the small act of our surroundings

99% times our expectation would lend us in disappointment

Let me give you one small example of mine.

My, I and my boyfriend have planned to go to a nearby resort to have some relaxation from our work. Everything is almost decided in advance and I was extremely excited about the trip and one day before that I have also decided like which dress to wear, which hairstyle would suit me in that dress and how I am going to confess some of the things which I have not told him before and how I can make those moments the best moments of our life because we both are about to meet after 4-5 months due to lot of work. The very next morning between 10 is – 11 am we were about to leave for the location and suddenly he informed me through a message that he is now moving to the hospital due to an emergency and he will inform me if anyhow he can come or not within a few hours. I waited for about 3-4 hours for a phone call and he won’t be able to come because of some emergency.

And this thing depressed me for the whole day. I was like what had happened a few hours ago. Everything was planned and I was happy to think about how I was going to spend my whole day with him. And all these expectations of mine led me to depression because of my own fault, it was not him who spoiled my mood but I was the only one who was expecting a lot of things without communicating to the person. And the rest of the day I was trying to overcome the situation but unable to.

These situations happen in everybody’s life and people start expecting a lot of things like me.

We cannot expect someone to behave in the manner which we want. Generally, it is clearly seen that unspoken expectations guarantee to be unfulfilled. 

What I was expecting was impossible because the Universe is not going to change according to our mood, desires, likeliness 

And maybe the other person has no interest in living upon those expectations.

Expectations are directly connected to our emotions.

Is something wrong with being an emotional person?

I would say yes because in that sense it is very easy for someone to hurt us. And every time we cannot afford to be an emotional person. We have to stop being emotional fools.

And now you can imagine what will happen when your life is under the control of your emotions? 

You have seen a lot of people in your life who follow their minds to direct them in every work and most of the time we feel like how they can be such a person who would not get affected by anything in their life. What is that thing which helps them in behaving like this? In their past they have faced these kinds of situations and those experiences, some situations direct their actions. You know many times we behave to be a mature person if we had conquered that current situation or seen somebody how they handled it. Because they have already chosen a path that directs them towards their desired goal, actions, behavior, and that is a more powerful force than anything in life. 

These emotions were followed by their ultimate desires. Desires(cravings) that are not fulfilled for a long time, desires which drive us to do anything, desires which let our daily routine behavior, and some of the desires don’t let us sleep at night.

Are your desires controlling you?

Our desires are not created by someone. It is what we see and what we dream. Desires are good for the short term but not for the long term because they can motivate you for a few days but once it is met we are not motivated by the same thing again and again. Like Maslow’s hierarchy of needs which involves 5 levels of needs i.e. psychological needs, safety needs, belonging & love needs, esteem needs, and self-fulfillment needs.

maslow theory

Choose your desires. 

There are two types of desires: Right Desire and Wrong Desire. Right desires are those which direct us on the correct path and those are not harmful in the long run. Whereas, Wrong desires direct us to mislead, which does not benefit us and is just for satisfaction. 

 

Don’t put irrelevant labels on something which you desire.

Control your desires and follow what’s right for you. Accept reality and treat things as it is and play it as a game. 

 

Learning to ignore things is one of the greatest paths to inner peace.

And peace begins when the expectations end. If you have tried to find peace then you would know there is peace in everything you do and love to do.

I still remember a story for the first time when I had fallen in love with someone and due to few circumstances, we have to separate for the years near about 4-5 years and finding that guy after so many years whom I loved so deeply I was at peace that day. Maybe I am not able to explain how I was feeling on that day but to be very honest the person inside me was not only happy but has found inner peace within myself. I feel like I don’t want anything from life. I am happy with finding that man nor do I want to live in a relationship with that. 

One Minute Expectation

One minute of expectation is a concept that says that it takes only 1 minute for a person to go inside his magical thinking, his/her desires, what they want from life. This is the duration where the people are in their desired state. This one minute of expectation gives the worst picture of the reality in comparison to your expectation. In a broader sense, there are two types of expectations: realistic and unrealistic expectations. Realistic expectation: a person who regularly thinks life is terrible and expects the worst (unhappy life). Unrealistic expectation: a person who doubts every circumstance and thinks if this would happen then life will be filled with pleasures. In this case, a Realistic person would be happier when he understands and opens up to his/her mind. Unrealistic people won’t be able to enjoy it because they are more interested in their own magical world (perception).

How can we stop expecting things?

What if I tell you not to expect, isn’t it a kind of expectation. You know in this current era where everyone is busy with their life, in their work no one is going to care for you and nobody would care about your expectations. You yourself should be mature enough to understand the fact that expectations are a kind of magical thinking which takes just one minute to dream what you want from that. Here are some of the important methods to stop being expecting and live your life as no one else would dream of.

 

  • The expectation is just a game that guarantees your loss in advance

Don’t you believe that this is the truth of life? Even if you have seen in your past that you got hurt by your expectations a lot more times. Can you remember the game which you have played the last time? I can definitely guarantee that you would have tried to be the winner of that game and possibly you would have won it. What do we do to win a game? Most probably we all try to understand the game right? We take care of the rules of that game and we try to beat others to win. Is that what I am sounding right ?? yeah

I want you to understand this game with your mind to beat expectations which is ultimately not directing you towards your loss. I want to see you as a mastermind of this game because it is something if you would not understand then definitely life would be difficult and with every step, you take you would be hurt by your own expectations. My dear, I can feel your desires, your expectations, your pain, and everything but isn’t it a bad thing that every time you would be hurt with the same problem. 

 

  • Stop being an emotional fool 

Are you someone who cries easily, gets hurt easily, and gets emotional in each and everything? Well to be very frank I was one of the earlier I cry over things like a kid, I easily get hurt by the people who even don’t care for me, even I have cried over a man who doesn’t love me back. If you could remember your first love then I can definitely ask  

Are you like an emotional person, the one who trusts people blindly???

Don’t worry, each of us acted like a fool in our first relationship or I also say in every task which we do for the first time. You know many times when we are sad, depressed by something or in a relationship we take advice from the person who even had not been in a relationship. I personally want you to take proper advice from someone who knows and has a lot of experience. And maybe due to the wrong advice from the inexperienced person would lend you in trouble. Nobody wants to lose their loved ones. Everyone is afraid of that thing.

Know your work, learn something every day, and focus on them and you will no longer be an emotional person. I am saying this because if you won’t be able to control your feelings then you should be mature enough to understand how to stand on your own feet. Be independent, love yourself, respect your work, and the people in your life. Suddenly you find that the thing you crave at some moment in your life is currently in your hands right now. And what is there in your mind would also be in your hands. Stand for yourself when no one is there to motivate you, wake up by your dreams, and take a deep insight into achieving them. 

 

  • Don’t rely on someone for your own happiness 

I would say be happy with your inner soul because this is something that directs you towards what is right and wrong for you. Expect your mom and dad no one will try to understand your feelings, the things you love, and external parties (the one who we came across a few years ago). Do you seriously think there would be a charming prince/princess who helps you in achieving your goals or will give you everything you desire? 

Then you are wrong. 

Let me give you one example of mine

I am the girl who needs a man who can love me 24*7.No doubt my bf loved me a lot but as long as I went into my relationship I found myself in a position where my happiness depends on that guy only. Seriously when he is upset, busy, and has mood swings I am the one who gets hurt by these actions easily. At that time his actions directed my behavior and as long as I understood this thing I was totally attached to him.

I won’t say all men in this world are like this, maybe there will be a person but only 1% chances are there that your loved one would not hurt you. And what about 99% ???

Don’t blame people for disappointing you, blame yourself for expecting too much from them.

Do everything which you love, enjoy, and you don’t need to rely on someone else. Ignore the people who hurt you more than 100 times.

 

  • Focus on the thoughts which deal with your progress level 

You become the person you desire to. Your progress and your thoughts should be in one direction. If you are not thinking about building your empire, your work in your free time then definitely you are not going in the right direction. LOVE is important but what if due to financial reasons or maybe people fear you have to sacrifice your love. What will happen at that time, most probably you would be broken from the inside and you won’t be able to focus on your goals. And now assume you have everything you wanted to be then what’s the problem? I know money cannot solve all your problems but money can solve money problems. At the age of 20-30 if you are not planning something to achieve then you should look at that and try hard. It’s what is in your head that determines what is in your hands. Wealth is the personal ability to survive for a longer time period.

Read books of your interest area, listen to the podcast, grab the right opportunity, learn from different sources, enhance your mind’s capability, manage your time well. The two greatest gifts in everyone’s life: your mind and your time. Think big and achieve big. Put your plans into action, don’t wait for the force to follow your inner soul, and then you will be in the right direction. 

Cut down your expenses and fill your life’s balance sheet with assets.

 

  • Be the creator don’t be the sufferer

Be smart and you won’t be pushed around as much. Your heart guides you into your true passion. The passion which leads to achieving mastery. Create your happiness if you enjoy dancing then choose dance as your passion and if you find people who don’t believe in this passion then dance in your free time and you will be the achiever. Do everything which you love and spend time with the people who would be happy to have you in their life. 

When I was not that mature enough or I can say smart enough then I came into the category of the sufferer but now I am the creator because I am doing all the things I would ever want to do in my life like dancing, exercise, eating healthy, spending time with talking to my loved ones, writing books and blog post, consulting people, motivating them and many more.

These are all the things that in the future work for you and don’t harm you and due to all that stuff right now I am happy because I am a 2.o version of myself and I killed my 1.o version. I Want you to be happy and enjoy every moment of your life whether it be a small one.

And by not giving in to your emotions, you were able to delay your reaction and think more appropriately.

 

  • Never recall your past in the present

I would say never. Everyone has their past which is filled with lots of laughter, joy, pain, hurt, love. By recalling them into the present it means you are trying to hurt yourself. 

What would happen if I try to remember my first love and the pain that he has given me for 4-5 years, the depression time I was in, the dreams that I am afraid to see, the way he broke my heart, how he cheated on me ??? 

101% sure I would be upset by recalling these things and my present relationship would be in a danger zone. All of you know what happens when someone from your past comes and they try to become your present. Nobody would like this. 

Live in present, have more and more dreams about your career, and achieve everything in your life like no one has achieved this.

Conclusion:

At last, I would like to conclude all the above lines. Prepare your mind towards seeing the worst in every scenario because in that way your expectations would not harm you and you’re gonna be very happy that I wouldn’t think of this thing as a good and positive vibe. Trust your heart, mind, and follow your dreams. Emotions can never lead you to achieve something which you want to but your mind has the power to take action and your heart moves you in the direction which is always right for you.

Low expectation = More happiness 

What are your expectations in a relationship?

If you like this blog post and would like to share your thoughts and opinion then comment below and let me know if you are facing any kind of issue within your life and relationship.  

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